I obviously watch far too many episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, because I was hoping my experience of motherhood would be just like Kourtney’s: 3 kids, my own ‘glam squad’, regular partying, a personal trainer, super healthy organic food, sexy photo shoots and a quick stop at Kanye’s Fashion Week show. But this is not the case people!
Everything that you considered to be ‘normal life’ before you had children suddenly becomes a bonus. Like writing blogs. I’ve been writing this blog for about 3 weeks.
Does anyone fully comprehend the sacrifices they have to make when they have children? I definitely did not, but at 4 months in i’m doing ok. Who would’ve thought I’d be happy with a cold cup of tea every day!
Here are 11 things you say goodbye to when you become a mother:
You’ll never finish a meal in one sitting. Soggy cereal, half eaten sandwiches and cold food become life. Make friends with your microwave, because it’s about to become your best friend.
2. A hot cup of tea
Just as you’re about to drink it, the baby will cry. Every time!
3. Your hair
When your baby is around 4 months old you’ll start shedding your hair. I’m talking Cousin It quantities of hair here! All over your bed, floor, carpets, not to mention clogging up your plug holes.
4. Clean hair
Ok so I only wash what I have left of my hair once a week, but these days I’m lucky if I can even do that.
Wait, you actually thought you’d have time to straighten your hair?! Maybe if you have a babysitter.
Make sure you know where the nearest exit is, because you’re gonna need it when the baby decides to kick off in the raw meat ailse.
The days of lying in bed until 10am are well and truly OVER. And don’t even talk to me about the 4 month sleep regression, I mean what is that!
8. Clean clothes
Sick, poo, sick, poo, sick, poo. Repeat.
9. A tidy house
Considering they don’t do anything for a good few months, babies come with a lot of crap, and it’s mostly situated all over your floor.
10. Normal conversation
From now on, you only talk about babies, because that’s all you know.
You spend your days looking like Quasimodo, constantly bending over to pick your baby up, bath it or change its nappy.