The do’s and don’ts of weaning

Six months and 14 million breast/bottle feeds later, and you can finally enter the world of food!

I was really looking forward to weaning, and actually really enjoyed it. Probably because Annabelle will eat anything I give her, and then she’ll eat mine! (I know, I’ve got it good at the minute)

But you must be prepared, and I’m not talking about starting with single savoury veg before you introduce fruit, that’s NHS craic.

I’m offering you real tips to help you get through this crazy time of death stares and shit stink.

Here are my do’s and don’ts of weaning:

Don’t eat in front of a weaned child
Or risk the death stare

Don’t let them grab the bowl
They will tip it over their head

Don’t position the high chair near to a freshly painted wall
They’ll run their filthy avocado hands all over your apple white walls

Don’t be a ready-made baby food jar snob
It doesn’t make you a bad mother

Don’t forget to wipe their face
Or it will develop an orange tinge

Don’t listen to everything your health visitor says
They often talk shit, such as: ‘She’s dropped to the 9th percentile, so start putting butter in everything you cook for her.’ Err no.

Don’t leave an open bag of delicious apple flavoured rice cakes within their reach
They’ll get them

Don’t feed another baby said apple flavoured rice cakes when your child is watching
Goes without saying

Don’t trust them with a spoon
Spoon flicked. Food everywhere.

Do get a gas mask
For the violent shit stink!

Do say no
To those people who insist on buying your 8 month old chocolate. Clearly I’m enjoying that later

Do enjoy your chef moments
Remember that stove-top steamer you said I’d never use? In your face husband!

Do get ready for the heartbreak
When they suddenly shun your Michelin star-worthy spag bol, that they demolished the night before

Do be prepared
With any kind of baby crisps, fruit flavoured wafers and rice cakes to keep them quiet

Do get used to walking on crumbs
All over your carpets and floors

Do experiment
Hell if she’s gonna eat avocado and sweet potato together then so be it

Do expect them to blow raspberries
With a mouth full of food

Do expect to be super proud
Every time they feed themselves finger food *heart melts*

I’m sure there are many many more, so get in touch if you have any tips!

 

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